Bantering Collection
by Jillcb
Summary: These are a collection of light-hearted one-shots. In this world Mordred is a friendly Knight there is no vision clouding him. The bantering will include a number of characters and not just Arthur and Merlin. This is just meant as an amusing look at Camelot life in the Good Years. Some adventure, plenty of friendship and a lot of bantering.
1. Chapter 1

**The Bantering Champions**

**Characters: Merlin, Arthur, The Knights, Mordred**

**Note: This is a light-hearted collection that has no wretched visions, so Mordred is just a new, eager recruit and Merlin has no reason to fear him. I liked the idea of a collection with two sorcerer's together serving Arthur. **

As the party moved through the forest the night was beginning to draw in, and already Merlin could feel a chill starting to creep up his arm towards his shoulder. The trip had been a disaster, the report about a group of bandits had proved to be fantasy, and the group were now beginning the journey back to Camelot.

Merlin looked about him, this time of the evening always seemed to unnerve him for some reason. It never made sense to him with being a powerful magician but he was always expecting something to jump out at them at any minute. As if sensing Merlin's state of mind a familiar voice called out.

"Oh Merlin for goodness sake stop looking so scared, you are like a big girl!"

Merlin took an inward breath wondering how it was that though Arthur was in front, he could somehow sense Merlin's unease. Merlin swallowed his annoyance while he thought of a retort.

"I am watching out for any danger, someone has to." Merlin replied trying to make light of it.

"Merlin if there was any danger about in the woods you'd be the first one in that bush over there." Arthur laughed pointing at a big bush away in the distance.

The Knights tittered as they continued to observe the daily sparring match between King and Servant that regularly dominated such quests and stopped the journey home from becoming boring and tedious.

Mordred was the new boy he hung back watching everyone else shyly. Already he was beginning to see the relationship between Arthur and Merlin was not a normal one. While he enjoyed the bantering like everyone else, he could not fail to see the bond between the two of them as well. He wished that one day he could be inside the inner circle.

Anxious to offer some moral support to Merlin as a fellow magical being he remarked.

"At least Merlin offers another pair of eyes Sire." Mordred remarked, knowing full well just how impressive Merlin's magic "eye" was to them all.

"Well it is nice to know that someone appreciates me." Merlin muttered to himself smiling at the new Knight. He had no doubt that Arthur would soon be teaching him bad habits.

"Mordred one thing you have to learn is that to praise Merlin, is more trouble then it is worth. It will go straight to his head and before you know it you will get absolutely no sense out of him."

"Um I wonder who that reminds me off!" Merlin muttered to himself rolling his eyes.

Mordred laughed quietly to himself.

"They are like an old married couple these two." Gwaine said smiling at the young man.

"Yes you will soon get use to it." Percival agreed. "If you don't you will be out of your mind by the end of the week."

"Just remember though Mordred." Arthur said a serious tone to his voice. "I am **always** the winner."

The laughter that filled the air didn't stop the retort from being heard from behind them.

"That's what he thinks!"

When Mordred thought back to his first quest the thing that stayed with him most was the joking between Arthur and Merlin. He realised from that day onwards they were the bantering champions, and the rest of them never had any chance from the start.


	2. Chapter 2

**Only a Shirt**

**Characters: Merlin, Arthur, Gwen**

It had started off on a moment of pique when Merlin had accidentally ruined Arthur's favourite shirt. Arthur had formed a mad attachment to the garment that could only be described by some as, well just "weird". Merlin himself certainly thought so, but knew now was probably not the moment to try that particular opinion out on his master.

As he took the shirt out and looked at it for the hundredth time, he realised that it was not about to change back to its normal red colour. He let it slowly disappear down into the water, and cursed out loud. He was so wrapped up in what excuse he could come up with, that he jumped out of his skin when he heard Gwen's voice behind him.

"Merlin?" she said curious at what was causing him so much annoyance.

Realising that he couldn't hide it he slowly showed her Arthur's favourite shirt red no longer, instead a fetching pink colour.

"Oh!" she replied a little smile planting on her face.

"This is his favourite shirt Gwen, I'm going to be in big trouble here." Merlin mused.

"I should say so." Gwen agreed nodding her head.

Merlin stared at her, not quite sure how to take her comment.

"I have to say he had a rather strange attachment to this garment." Gwen continued. "In fact when I was coming to bed one night he was actually stroking it as he lay there."

Merlin looked at her in horror. "Gwen, I think that is too much information if you don't mind!"

"Oh yes. Sorry." Gwen twittered enjoying the uncomfortable look on Merlin's face. Merlin was well known for his prudish manner, which explained why so many of his friends would tease him from time to time.

"What am I going to do?" Merlin asked her desperate.

"Don't worry I will speak to him. I am sure we'll sort things out." Gwen smiled patting him on the arm.

"Would you?" Merlin asked for the first time relief flooding through him.

"Leave it for about an hour." Gwen suggested. "I'm sure it will be fine then."

Merlin nodded watching her leave the room. As he waited for the time to go, not for the first time he wondered why on earth he was so dreading this. Here he was Merlin the mighty magician and he was afraid of speaking to Arthur as he'd ruined his shirt! He looked at himself in the mirror, and attempted to man himself up. "Come on Merlin pull yourself together what's he going to do to you anyway?" he thought out loud.

He thought about all the power he had in his finger tips, it was crazy the problems he got himself into sometimes. He tried to keep himself busy doing other things, by the time he'd had a quick chat with Gaius he finally decided he needed to get his explanation over with Arthur.

He walked towards the King's Chambers, noticing that all was quiet. He gave a tentative knock on the door.

"Hello?" he called trying to sound as breezy as he could.

"Well hello Merlin." Arthur replied a look on his face that Merlin found hard to read.

"I hope you are all right sire." Merlin said attempting an awkward smile. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"You know Merlin anyone would think you'd done something wrong, I don't think I have ever known you be so polite and respectful to me."

"I assure you I am always respectful to you." Merlin said picking things up and making sure he kept on the opposite side of the room.

"Ah I see. So this is nothing to do with the fact that you have ruined my favourite shirt then?" Arthur asked raising an eyebrow.

"Oh about that." Merlin began wondering where all the words had gone that he'd previously rehearsed in his mind.

"Yes about that, you good for nothing, useless, total waste of space." Arthur replied a horrible smile on his face.

"Er I thought you said you'd have a word with him." Merlin said looking at Gwen.

"Believe me Merlin he is a lot calmer now, he wanted to roast your nuts before!" Gwen said, leaving the room.

"Gwen!" Merlin said horrified.

As Gwen left Merlin couldn't help but notice Arthur having to turn his face around very quickly, he suspected that in actual fact he probably had calmed down a fair bit. But he still felt Arthur would think about some loathsome job for Merlin to do for his error.

"Yes indeed in fact I was thinking about all sorts of punishments for you." Arthur grinned. "Then suddenly it all came to me."

"What?" Merlin asked trying to remain calm and cheerful despite his predicament.

"What is the one thing that Merlin enjoys about all else?" Arthur asked the terrible smile back on his face.

"I have a horrible feeling you are going to remind me." Merlin smiled awkwardly.

"George!" Arthur called.

Merlin stared at Arthur in horrified silence, his face begging Arthur to not put him through this, anything but this.

"George here is going to give you a lesson in the fine arts of washing clothes. You will shadow him for the next few days until you have learnt not to ruin my clothing!"

"It was only a shirt!" Merlin pointed out.

"No Merlin it was not only a shirt, it was my _favourite_ shirt."

"Yes of course." Merlin nodded realising he would just have to take the punishment.

Arthur nodded at George a big grin on his face.

"Come on now Merlin we have wasted enough of the day already." George prompted speeding out of the room like a jackal.

Merlin stopped by the door, looking at his King searchingly.

"Never mind Merlin." Arthur grinned. "At least you won't have to pick up my stuff like you usually do."

"I never thought I'd say this, but right now that would be so much more pleasurable." Merlin moaned.

Arthur merely smiled as the door closed behind Merlin, and still the King could hear George's voice echo around the walls of the corridor. For a second he almost pitied his friend, but then he remembered what had happened.

"Turning it pink!" he raged. "I should have turned Merlin pink!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Passions in the Tavern**

**Characters: Merlin, Gwaine, OC**

"I'm really not sure about this Gwaine." Merlin said with a sulky expression on his face, as he pleaded with his friend.

"Oh come on Merlin a night out won't do you any harm. Can't the Princess dress himself for once? Gwaine sniggered hitting Merlin on the arm.

"Well actually he does have a problem Gwaine. The last time I left him to his own devices, he got in such a mess." Merlin said hoping he'd persuaded Gwaine that it was no hoper. He should have known better.

"For goodness sake Merlin, he'll be fine. Anyway" Gwaine whispered into Merlin's ear. "A little birdie told me that there maybe someone else helping him, if you know what I mean?"

"What are you insinuating?" Merlin asked perturbed. He didn't like the sound of this at all!

"I merely mean a certain maid that we both know." Gwaine grinned then put his hands on his lips.

"If you mean-" Merlin began attempting to stagger away from Gwaine, but the Knight caught his arm and propelled him firmly into the courtyard.

"Shhh." Gwaine whispered "We don't want anyone else to here."

"Those are unsubstantiated rumours about Arthur and Gwen." Merlin began feeling outraged for his two friend's honour.

"Ah so it is true then." Gwaine smiled slapping Merlin on the back. "I thought so. Leon had better pay up."

"You've betted on this?" Merlin cried out shocked.

"Of course, what else would I do?" Gwaine laughed pushing Merlin towards the Tavern. "Don't worry I won't say a word in here."

"You'd better or not, or else I will." Merlin started looking seriously at Gwaine for a second.

"Or you'll what?" Gwaine asked raising his eyebrows.

There was a pause as Merlin struggled to come up with an answer that would make Gwaine think twice about blabbing, but being unable to think about anything merely snapped. "Or you'll be in trouble."

"Well now you really have me worried!" Gwaine said in mock agitation. "I will go and get us a drink, stay here."

Merlin rolled his eyes as he sat down at a table and looked around nervously. He didn't really understand why he was here at all, as this was suppose to be Gwaine's date. Did he really want to sit around playing gooseberry while Gwaine charmed some woman into bed. Merlin sighed wishing he was tucked up in his own bed. He was lost in his own thoughts, unaware of a shadow that had passed over him. He was so wrapped up in his own world it was only when she coughed that he suddenly realised there was anyone there at all.

Merlin gave a start as he suddenly realised he was actually looking down a woman's dress. He blushed, getting up so quickly that he almost lost his balance over his stool, but just about managed to save his dignity.

"I, I'm sorry about." he pointed to her front, before realising that it perhaps was not the most polite thing to do.

"Oh that's all right, you're hardly the first." She said in a seductive tone, as she threw her breasts his way. Merlin learnt back, realising to his horror that he could hardly keep his eyes off them!

He wondered who she was, and more to the point why was she sitting by him at all? He looked around frantically for Gwaine, before realising his irritating friend had gone missing. This was just so typical of Gwaine, he thought to himself. Suddenly it occurred to him, that the woman was obviously Gwaine's date for the night.

For the first time Merlin looked at her, she was certainly a very sexy lady he thought with blonde hair and a confident manner about her. She smiled knowingly at him, her eyes narrowing as she eyed him.

"I'm sure he'll be back soon." Merlin smiled trying very hard to keep his eyes on her face and not anywhere else.

"It really doesn't matter." she said bending her face near his, her hand rubbing his cheekbone.

Merlin tried to smile, as he suddenly became aware of her scent wafting into his nostrils. He jumped in the air as he suddenly felt her other hand on his knee, rubbing gently. A strange thought occurred to him through all of this sudden feeling of pleasure, if this was Gwaine's date, why was she seemingly trying to come on to him? A sudden moment of confound confusion swept over him as he fought to control himself.

Suddenly to his horror he realised that she was turning him on big style, he would have to act quickly he thought to himself if he was to get out of this current situation. At the same time a feeling of shock also hit him, that this woman would actually try and come on to him at all, considering she was suppose to be with Gwaine. What sort of woman was she he wondered.

He jumped and said in an indignant tone. "I'm sorry but I think there has been a misunderstanding."

"Oh." the woman replied rolling her eyes. "Well from the look of you, you appeared to be enjoying yourself!"

"I beg your pardon, you are my friend's date, how can you behave like this?" Merlin asked suddenly shocked. He was suddenly thankful that Gwaine was not here, how embarrassing would that have been.

"Well it's never bothered him before." she said impatiently. "And sometimes there was more than one of us!"

Merlin looked non-plussed at that. "Well I am not like that!"

"Oh please yourself." the woman said snatching her purse away from the table and walking away.

Merlin watched her go, realising that their conversation had created some interest among the regulars. God how was he going to live this one down he wondered. He looked around nervously relieved there was no one there that knew him well. The smiles on people's faces suddenly persuaded himself to make a swift exit. As he got to the door, a woman winked at him, making Merlin increase his speed ahead, determined to make Gwaine pay when he saw him.

Merlin walked away quickly his annoyance fit to burst, suddenly a familiar voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Merlin my man. Where are you going?"

Merlin turned around a look of huge annoyance on his face. The annoyance turned to disbelief as Merlin realised Gwaine was outside his arms wrapped around an attractive brunette.

"I don't believe you Gwaine." Merlin began stuttering. "How embarrassing was that to be left with your date, while you are outside cavorting with someone else!"

"My date!" Gwaine laughed. "Actually she was your date, you silly ass. That is why I disappeared."

"What?" Merlin asked confused.

"Where is she?" Gwaine suddenly asked.

"I turned her away when she suddenly started fiddling with me, as I thought she was suppose to be your date for the night!"

"Oh Merlin what an idiot you are." Gwaine snorted.

"Well how am I to know if you don't tell me." Merlin said suddenly feeling daft.

"I will go and get her back for you." Gwaine smiled.

"No don't you dare." Merlin said suddenly wanting to go. "I'm too tired."

"I'm sorry" Gwaine apologised "But when I disappeared I thought you would put two and two together and work it out." Gwaine smiled, before his face fell into hysterics.

Merlin was about to explode when the craziness of it suddenly hit him. He joined Gwaine in his laughter, just relieved that no harm had happened. Gwaine slapped him on the shoulder howling. Suddenly an annoyed female voice cut into their scene.

"Are you coming back or what?"

"Sorry Merlin." Gwaine whispered "Duty calls!"

Merlin watched as Gwaine ran back to his proper date, he shook his head at his friend's ventures. Next time he thought to himself as he returned home he would trust his first instinct, and just go to bed.


End file.
